Hi everyone, Steve here!

Well here we all are, still snowed in from Christmas with only the obligatory turkey butties to survive on, or in our case chicken. Pauline finds it too difficult to keep the moisture in turkey, but that's another story (ie she can't cook!).

We were going to go to a lovely castle in North Yorkshire over the Christmas break, but alas it wasn't to be, we were well and truly house bound. Our road could've been a choice venue for a Winter Olympic Ski-jump. Cars have taken to parking at the top of the road for fear of not being able to get back up again, it's been hideous. I'm contemplating canceling my direct-debit to the council for not salting our road! Oh my god, did I actually say that! I'm turning into my uncle B!, god rest him. But it's true that the slightest glimpse of Jack Frost and the country comes to a stand-still!

But you'll be glad to hear it's not got the better of me, nothing much does! I put my trust in my socks. " Funny place to put your trust Steve!" I hear you say! No you misunderstand. I put my socks over my walking boots to gain some extra grip and made my way to the local gym!

Along the way I saw an elderly lady struggling through the snow, which reminded me the time my Grandma slipped on the way back from the pie shop.. My Granddad was house bound with an illness he contracted while working down the pit for the coal board, and as a result, could only walk as far as the back garden all the year round. Every dinner time my Gran would go to pie shop in Farnworth. On this occasion, she set off, in much the same weather as we've been getting lately and managed to get to their favourite pie shop. On the way back she slipped and sprained her wrist badly. Fortunately a man wasn't far away who saw her fall and came to her aid. He helped her up and took her all the way back to her house where Granddad was waiting. She shouted to Granddad "BILL! BILL!-- I'VE FALLEN!"! My Granddad shouted back "LILY!---DID YOU GET THE PIES?". The colourful language my Gran said back cannot be published, but I don't remember my Granddad having his pies. Oh! and my Gran's sprained wrist turned out to be a broken arm, bless her.

Speaking of broken arms, I went for a C-T Scan just before Christmas at Wythenshawe Hospital to see if there's something stopping my arm from straightening. They couldn't get me in the blessed thing yet again because with a permanently bent arm and broad shoulders, I'm too wide! It's becoming a regular occurrence this! I'm beginning to get fed up with all this now. "Getting fed up, after just 19 months, what you made of, marshmallows or summat?" I hear you all say. Oh well ok, one last push to see me into 2011 and hopefully this time next year you'll all be reading about the new improved Steve Morris. Yes they can rebuild me, they do have the technology and -- is anyone else hearing the theme tune to the Bionic man -- no? Oh, just me then.

One last thing about snow. Because of my hearing problem, I've got subtitles turned on my TV. Some of the text is hilarious in that its wrong! The other day, the TV presenter said that 'roads are snowy' - the subtitles read that 'roads are smelly!' No wonder I'm confused!!! There's a script here waiting to be written by the Two Ronnies!

Well that's all for now. I'll be writing this blog every 4 weeks, so as they say on TV, stay tuned till next time!

And be careful out there.

FF Steve Morris

PS. Chip the ice off your smoke alarms and make sure they are working properl